They get married in a mature life, buy a new vision for family, ministry and life, never know how hard it will be.
He has a daughter, three beautiful creations. She has never been married before. After the grief of the first marriage failure, he felt that being summoned by God became a second chance. He spent a long three years as a single person. After a brief courtship, they got engaged and got married.
Although this situation is specific to this family, conflicts in the step family are very common.
When his eldest daughter moved in, they were in their first year of marriage. This is a critical stage in her life. At the crossroads of school education, she lacked goals and vision, but cleverly found her way. She also grew up in a certain way like all of us. She is dealing with most of her own affairs, brave and painful, considering that her father and mother separated for only five years, less than four years because they divorced. Once again, when separation occurs, she is at a critical age, and the period since then has been difficult.
She has a special relationship with her father. Their relationship is caused by marriage, because marriage is a combination of physical and spiritual. The relationship shared by the father and the daughter is how they survived the breakdown of the family. However, marriage has only two partners. The couple learned this at their marriage counseling meeting. They often go to their counselors for two years. Father does not want to give up his relationship with his daughter. He didn't see the problem at first. But he did see it. He began to realize that marriage is a vital unity for the functioning of family units. Some changes to this relationship are inevitable.
For the whole two years, the family life of the three families was very difficult. However, based on the advice and encouragement of the counselor and the changes the couple made, a change was made. The conflict seems to be a daily challenge, and the crisis happens at least once a week.
The couple realized that if the wife had to get the full support of her husband, then the daughter's support for family issues would need to come from another relative. Fortunately, this is an effective system because the daughter's new support comes from a dear grandmother. When she needs support, it is not uncommon for them to talk for two hours or more.
By regularly dating her, the father can talk about anything at home to compensate him for not supporting his daughter in a state of family stress. As the daughter knew she was supporting certain family matters, she shared everything with her father.
After a few years, the family structure has stabilized. The dynamic has changed. Yes, it took so long. This is what you have learned. When the step family dynamics are at a destructive height, both parties to the marriage - parents / step parents - must be united and take a proactive approach to service. By working together, they provide leadership by providing services to each family member and the entire family.
In solidarity, parents entering the family must have consistent values and boundaries. They must communicate on everything and expect conflict to be a normal feature of family life. It takes time, energy and lots of trial and error to agree on a series of complicated things. Continuous forgiveness is an important commitment that every adult must make because they help to change the family process. Mature adults need help from children and adolescents. They know that expecting adult behavior is a process, but they do work hard to resolve conflicts as a family journey. As far as conflicts are concerned, there are no restrictions in family dialogues because people think that everyone is learning, mistakes are normal, and nothing is final.
It is easy to step into family life. Going out is a constant temptation in the conflict. It is very difficult to step up. However, when adults persist and have patience, adhere to a long-term vision, and commit to resolve conflicts and end inevitable pain through conflict, the step family can survive, grow and thrive.
Orignal From: Step in, leave and go up, in step family life
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