In any family, at least three people are struggling to establish new family relationships while still responding to past reminders. Every family member brings the same diversity of expectations and attitudes as the personality involved. Like every family, creating a successful family member is easier for everyone when they try to understand others and their own feelings and motivations. Ideally, discuss the reality of a family life before marriage.
what can you do? Take precautions. Because you want to get married, carefully consider your motivation and the motivation of your future spouse. Know him or her as much as possible in each situation. Consider comparing the possible effects of lifestyle. If your lifestyle conflicts, your child will be caught by the middleman. Discuss how to change your life by bringing together two families. What do you think and disagree about the concept of parenting?
Be honest with your child about the changes that this marriage will bring: new life arrangements, new family relationships, and how this will affect their relationship with non-custodial parents. Give your child ample opportunity to get a good idea of your future spouse. Think about your child's feelings, but don't let them make a decision to remarry.
Discuss the way family finances are handled with future spouses. Making financial assets and responsibilities public, honest reviews may reduce unrealistic expectations and misunderstandings. Understand the period of doubt, frustration and resentment.
Any marriage is complex and challenging, but the problem of step-parents is more complicated because the number, relationships, feelings, attitudes, and beliefs involved are more than the first marriage. Because their members do not share past experience, new families may have to redefine rights and responsibilities to meet your individual and overall needs. Time and understanding are key allies in negotiating a single-parent family to a family-family status.
In a good step family, each member is treated with dignity, care and respect [the initial love may not be in the equation]. A healthy step or a biological family is a family that everyone feels supportive to develop to his or her full potential.
If you are already a stepmother or father, the following three points can simplify everyone's transition process and provide you with a breathing space as you continue to explore and use the ideas presented in this book.
If they haven't already [about two years], help stepchildren overcome their losses [parents' divorce or death]. from
Or maybe, no matter what time passes, they can't do it, because an environment without emotional support and trust can generate their feelings and agree with "I hope I have" or feeling that they somehow caused a divorce [just like a child] They often feel like that]. They need an atmosphere of emotional security, not only to express, but also to recognize their feelings, rather than blindly showing anger. They need to heal their losses before they continue to create and become part of the new family emotionally. You see that your new marriage is like completing your life, but the child may think that this is something that can take their mind away. You think this is a plus point; they think it is a minus sign.
Establishing care, communication and respect with stepchildren is more important than wishing or expecting instant love. Love takes time; it must grow. Be kind to your emotions. What do you insist on and what you accept. Encourage your child and stepchildren to truly understand their feelings. Set behavioral restrictions, not feelings; for example, you can't let them express their anger by burning the house, but you can let them express their feelings that they want this new "family" not to exist.
Let your relationship with your stepchildren develop gradually. from
Don't expect too much from your child or yourself. Children need time to adjust, accept and belong. The same is true for parents. Don't try to replace the lost parents; be another parent. Children need time to mourn the parents who lost because of divorce or death. Looking forward to dealing with confusing feelings - yourself, your spouse and children. Anxiety about new roles and relationships may provoke family competition for love and attention because they will raise loyalty. Children may need to understand that their relationship with you is valuable, but different from your relationship with the new spouse and cannot replace the other. You love and need them, but in a different way.
Help your child move around between parents. from
Their lives are full of blessings. Help your child to feel painful and make these feelings smaller and easier to manage. Let yourself and your child feel that everyone can heal. An idealized expectation becomes a prison, and accepting the truth will make you free. If you are marrying an existing family, television and movies may help create an unrealistic expectation of what the family is and how it works. It is not a fairy tale of courtesy and care.
Why most teenage parents fail
One-third of the typical successor family has a long-term success. In order to find out how to achieve this goal, you must be willing to first explore why most stepfathers will fall apart. There seem to be five interrelated reasons why most average stepfamilies crash, usually within 10 years.
- Adults in many stepmother families seem to come from families that are somewhat functional. Without consciousness and personal growth, these adults unconsciously pass similar emotional impressions to their children, repeating and spreading a cycle of unreasonable needs and accessibility to meet those needs.
- Most step-parents fully accept that they are forming a multi-family family, which will be more than 60 different from the single-family biological family they are used to. To make matters worse, many people explicitly or unconsciously associate "steps" with failure, evil, unnaturalness, suboptimality and inferiority. They don't want to know the stepmother family, let alone one person. Ignorance As a partner and parent, this ignorance can be fatal. A typical multi-family family is very complex and usually takes five to eight years or more to stabilize. Many unconscious, love-loving couples are expected to gather together in five to eight months.
- Children or adults in one or more new steps are often prevented from mourning their previous painful loss. Each remarriage is after the traumatic outcome of previous arbitration or death. Remarriage and/or cohabitation leads to more significant losses [and gains]. Parents who don't see their parents' grief, no matter why they are sad, can't grieve for themselves. How can they teach you how to be sad. They suppress and avoid strong sorrow and/or anger, so these emotions have been under pressure and domination for years. Incomplete sadness promotes disability addiction and disease, nourishes the host after divorce, emotionally divides the biological child between the former companions, and even prevents the adult stepfather from accepting the most kind-hearted step-parent. The blocked mourning has obvious symptoms. Once identified, the sorrow of freezing can be thawed over time.
- For most people, the decision to remarriage is made in a common, wonderfully distorted state of mind: romantic love. Coupled with the fact that the ladder family has no different illusions from the biological family, these differences often make people aware of what the couple is really doing and what practical preparations they should make. The thought-provoking divorce statistics insist that in the wrong time and in the wrong time, nearly three of the four family adults marry the wrong person. They promise to fantasize each other.
- The ultimate reason for this widespread re-diving is that our media and most communities have little or no information on remarried people and their children. There are few or no stepfathers to raise classes, support groups, newsletters or awareness counselors. Few clerics, teachers, therapists, mediators and judges, or medical professionals know different, complex, and risky multi-family families. Stepfamily's divorce seems to be a black hole in social sciences, although many remarriage involving existing children is very intense and extremely unsuccessful.
Why do some family survive?
However, because a quarter of the four families survive - even thrive - we know the successor Can grow Only healthy families can provide safety, support, warm intimacy, strength and comfort. The following content discussed in detail in this book will ensure your success:
- Every adult must understand his childhood symptoms [if any]. You must identify your main destructive emotional behavior and develop a self-motivated, high priority personal treatment plan. You have to promise and start. Next, assess the likelihood that your potential partner may be in trouble. If this is the case, unless they are aware of their problems and can return to health, they will ask for friendship.
- As a couple, you must assess how you accept and resolve conflicts and other key conflicts. Learn and steadily develop important verbal skills: talk about your communication style, listen to your feelings, assert assertions and solve problems. Learn to manage inner conflicts and personal conflicts. The emotional climax of new love can mask the deep differences in parenting, money, family priorities and family management, that is, the values that will emerge after the wedding.
- Together, accept your forward-looking identity as a normal, unique, multi-family family rather than "we are just one family"[...
Orignal From: Why some ladders and mixed families thrive and others collapse and burn
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