When your stepchild or stepdaughter begins to make sense to you, it can be so painful and disturbing. When things are going well, the situation is particularly difficult and you think the situation is very good. It's hard not to make a negative reaction - but you know that if you do, things will start to spiral downwards. Then this relationship will not only be affected, but will also affect your relationship with your husband. Find some space for yourself and consider some possibilities that may help you understand their average behavior:
• Has the family changed recently? If you have just moved together, or have recently married [or if your family changes on the other side of your home], you need to make your stepchildren a little lax and allow them to adjust for a while. We often expect too many children who think that if the change in life is good [in any case our standard] they should "jump on the boat." They may even test you to see how you react when your behavior is not perfect.
• Has he or she entered a new stage of life? Adolescents and adolescents are experiencing major internal adjustments and emotional upheaval. Do not take the individual may just reflect their inner mind. Many teenagers were taken aback when a monster seemed to take over the body of their little baby. If you are in an uncomfortable position just close to the child who is experiencing this difficult life, please fasten your seat belt, this may be a long trip!
• Consider whether you have been asking too many questions, especially about what is happening in "other families," or expect your steps or stepdies to share their inner feelings with you. Realize that they may be highly sensitive to the slightest judgment of their other parent. Give him or her some space and then focus on listening to anything that is free to share [even the smallest].
• Any child who has experienced a parent. Divorce has a lot about the process of disintegrating their main family. It is listed as one of the important events in their lives, and it is too much to expect them to clearly express what they are related to, or they are willing to share these events with you. If there is a conflict between their parents/stepparents, then you can assume that there is a lot of confusion inside them, which may well appear in your average comment as a "one-time" parent.
• Look at the relationship between your stepchild and your spouse. Your stepchildren may not get the closeness or attention they think they need, and you may be a scapegoat. You may find that the relationship between you and your stepchildren [and your spouse!] is improved by giving them two spaces some time, rather than trying to stay there. Then, when you return to the scene, you will not be considered "on the road." No matter how long you have in your family photo, the parent/child relationship needs to be cultivated by yourself.
• Be as friendly as possible, don't be aggressive [maybe you will fall into the traps of many step-parents, trying to be super-observers]. Prepare emotionally before you see them, so you can relax and be friendly, not control or expect to be close. If they make sense to you for the last time, you can outline a clear line about expecting respect for behavior, but then let go of any resentment!
• Try to encourage. Write down at least one positive thing about your steps or stepdaughter this week, let them know what you appreciate about them - say the merits or character you appreciate and describe the behavior you see. Pay attention to small positive interactions and build on those.
You must contact your stepchild on his or her terms until you have sufficient trust. This requires patience - in fact, the process of building a successful stepfather takes a long time - a few years. And you need to mature. You need to learn a good balance between "keep the line" so that your stepchildren can't escape rude behavior and "let go" when establishing positive connections. Remember, they are observing whether you really will be there to accept and accept their identity and ask them to respect what they need.
Orignal From: Why is my stepchild/step-daughter so meaningful to me?
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