Raising children is challenging, but when you are a stepfather, this will be a bigger challenge. When you first enter your stepfather's life, you should expect an initial honeymoon period, then a completely opposite thing - distance and cold shoulders. Unless you are a real jerk, don't accept it yourself; this is because the novelty of your existence has disappeared and reality is forming. She does not understand or accept why her mother needs to find alternatives for her father. Most stepdaughters take time or even years before you are truly accepted. Here are some steps you can take to facilitate the process.
Walking at her pace
Allow your relationship to advance at the pace of your stepdaughter. Be patient. At some point, she will want you to be involved as the image of the father in her life. Whether it's helping with homework or asking for lunch, she will come to you. The important thing is that you let her know that you are not replacing her father; you just want her to make some room for her other person in her home. She will respect you. Remember that you want to marry their mom and children.
keep in touch
If you and your wife decide to give birth to more children, your stepfather's initial reaction may bring a variety of emotions from excitement to complete hostility - expecting an accident. Let your stepdaughter participate in this process as much as possible during pregnancy. Let her help decorate the baby's room, pick up the baby's clothes or help pick names for her future brothers and sisters. When your baby arrives, your natural tendency is to pay more attention to your latest additions. This is normal, but it is sensitive to the possibility that your stepdaughter may come to a conclusion because it is your biological child and begins to keep a distance between you and her to protect her heart. During this time, it is important to keep in touch with your stepdaughter, so she knows that you still value her relationship and that there is no change. As her stepfather, you should make every effort to make her feel an equal and accepted family member.
Instant love is only in the movie
In any relationship, appreciation and love take time. If you have one, it is unrealistic to expect her to love you immediately. The only thing you should expect immediately is the respect of adults, and you need the help of your mother to ensure that it is the standard. Try to find common ground with her. What is her interest? She may even like some of you. However, no stepfather can be exempted from the standard "You are not my father!" when you try to help her mother let her do the wrong thing. Stride forward, because at some point, almost every child will tell their parents that they don't like or hate them, and love her anyway.
Don't try to buy her feelings
Bring money to your stepdaughter, give her a carefully chosen gift, give her whatever she wants, and won't let her love you. It will never let her respect you. She will start to think that you are just Santa Claus all year round, she can get anything from it. She will become spoiled and will only appreciate it falsely, so you will continue to buy her things. One thing you can give her is that she will grow up to love and respect you. This is the same common love and the respect you want. Give her all the attention when she speaks to you, and give her helpful and kind advice when she asks.
Understand the limits
As a stepfather, you need to know what can be considered physical abuse and sexual abuse. With your stepdaughter, you should follow the mother's discipline and not act alone. At any time, hitting her or placing a harmful hand on her is considered a physical abuse. In addition, too many feelings can be considered sexual abuse. Kissing her cheeks or forehead and hugs is a proper form of affection. A good rule of thumb is that if you don't want to do it with her mother, then you should not do this.
in conclusion
Every little girl needs a dad. If her real father is not around her, she will need someone who likes it or not. Remember, your stepdaughter experienced a major loss - the loss of her first family and the displacement of her biological father. Feeling sad about this loss is a process without a fixed timetable. When you enter her life, she wants to know if you can trust your heart. In order to win her heart, it is important that you are safe, reliable, and consistent, not a person who will break the heart of her and her mother.
Orignal From: Stepfathers promotes five tips for stepdaughters
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