Because it is common to see stories about the evil stepmother, it is generally considered that all stepmothers are evil. In today's mixed family, being a step parent is really a challenge, because no matter how good your intentions are, you can easily be marked as a scheming enemy.
Once the new parents appear in the picture, the children start setting up their territory. Steps Parents are considered enemies and the battle begins. When children fight back to overcome new parents, their true parents are often emotionally excited between them and their new spouses.
The psychotherapist calls this situation "triangulation." In this relationship, the three sides of the triangle are you, your new spouse and your child. Children are often between parents. They have this instinct from childhood, that is, divide and conquer. After divorce and new partners come in, the game becomes even more extreme for children.
We all know that blood is thicker than water, and when children try to occupy their territory and defeat the enemy [step parents], they give the child a stronger position. When a choice is made between a child and a new parent, the man or woman tends to prioritize the child, which can clearly lead to two conflicts - parents and spouses.
In traditional parenting and step-by-step parenting, both spouses must agree on disciplinary issues and show the children that they are united in decision-making. Confrontation and argumentation are part of every relationship, but children, especially very young children, don't have to witness the struggle between husband and wife, because it may make children think that the relationship between their true parents and new parents is too weak and It's easy to put a wedge between the two.
The spouse should decide who will take disciplinary action against the child. There must be a basic rule that can be applied by the step parent or parent. Then the children will know that there is no need to choose who they will follow. This will also give the step parents an authority to know that the real parents will support her/him.
Stepparents should welcome their role as new parents of stepchildren. Because they do not intend to fill out the child's true mother or father's shoes, new parents can also bring value to the relationship by treating themselves as participants in the parenting process. It is also necessary to develop relationships with stepchildren, which will make them think that stepparents are a popular complement to their families. This is the only way to achieve harmony between stepparents and stepchildren, which will surely improve their lives together.
Orignal From: Parenting: Wedge between your family?
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