The ladder relationship requires special care and training. As long as you realize that the connection with your stepchild/stepladder does not happen automatically, and there are some things to be aware of, you can start to build a good relationship with him or her! Here are some connection tips:
• The best rule of thumb is to walk slowly. Understand that you need to invest time in the ladder relationship; expecting immediate results is not only unreasonable, but may be counterproductive and cause more problems. First, establish a positive and caring relationship and ensure that parents and children have their own time outside the ladder relationship.
• Let your stepchildren express her feelings - good, bad or ugly. It's easy to say, but it's hard to do: don't listen to it yourself. In fact, listening - rather than speaking, coaching or training - is the first and most important step in the connection. Once your stepchild's negative emotions are in public, you will have a positive space. Think this is a necessary "cleaning" process.
• The stepfather, especially the disciplined character, who puts himself or herself into the parental role may encounter a lot of resistance from the stepchildren. Usually this resistance will be more passive or lead to performance, not a complete rebellion. So, go back to rule #1: take your time.
• If you don't have your own child or your stepchildren's age, educate yourself at the developmental stage. Then you can better understand what your stepchildren are experiencing. This will give you a very convenient benchmark when you and your spouse may be arguing whether their behavior is "out of bounds" or "normal."
• Let your stepchild or stepdaughter benefit from suspicion - their inner world may be overwhelming and quite contradictory. They also deal with many stresses: developmental change, relationships with peers, academic pressure, emotional influence from parental divorce, and accustomed to having a new parental image. Cut your stepchild or stepdaughter to be lazy and listen to them.
• Your stepchild or stepdaughter may grow up in their trust, connection and love for you, but feel that doing so will make them unfaithful to the parents of another family. You can help resolve this tension by respecting their relationship with their parents, rather than contributing to the conflict in any way. Be careful to try to compete with that parent; we know that by establishing a healthy relationship with all parents in your life, your child will receive the most services.
• Although you may wish to be seen or like the parents of your stepchild or stepdaughter, the motto "The blood is thicker than water" will always exist. In fact, when you are more adept at raising children, caring more about your stepchildren, doing more things, and spending more time with your stepchild or stepdaughter than your parents, it will even be established. Remembering this as the "bottom line" will be a good foundation for you as a successor.
• Finally, learn about your stepchild or stepdaughter. Meet them at their level - do things with people they like. Learn about their interests. Admit your appreciation for him or her and respect their uniqueness. You will give your stepchild a huge gift, let him or her know that you accept who they are, and don't expect them to be people they are not. Emphasize positive!
In a growing relationship, adults need a lot of maturity and a big heart. Knowing what needs to be addressed is part of the solution. Increase good communication skills and positive methods. The rest of the success formula includes a bunch of patience, a little tolerance and a generous heart! However, once you have established a comfortable and harmonious ladder relationship, satisfaction is huge - and it is worth all the effort.
Orignal From: How can I contact my stepchild / stepdaughter?
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