10' must Dos' handle children in a mixed family

Help! The new love in my life has a child!

The new love in your life is a single parent who may be divorced, widowed or separated; you want to integrate a family. You now want to know what to do to make your second marriage harmonious, because you want to build a lasting and loving relationship with his or her children and the mixed family.

Then 10' must dos' is what they are:

1. Honestly check your commitment and understand the consequences of your choicefrom

.

Do you have the ability to build a "ready-made" family? Does your lifestyle, personality, occupation, welfare and ethics meet the duties and time required by children? Are you "sufficiently skinned" for questions, comments and unpopular stories that people who have influence over children may make them believe?

Most importantly, are you ready to commit to their parents? Of all the possibilities, they have experienced a lot of pain, so if you are not willing to participate, think carefully before they are too close to you, and then their hearts will be broken again.

2. Show yourself slowlyfrom

.

Your partner's child may be used to let him or herself, so when you, a stranger always appears, they may be confused. If they are teenagers, they may look at you with suspicion and protect their parents or ask you to take him or her away [in their eyes]. Your frequent occurrences can lead to sudden big changes, so you must be careful. Of course, even if the children are young, you should not just "move in." Join your partner first, go out occasionally, don't get acquainted with them, or your partner [even about whether you will hold hands in front of them], the most important thing is to take the time to build a rapport with them and show who they are. And the real interest they are interested in. Let them know you when they understand them.

3. To be honest, who are you?from

.

You can introduce yourself as a friend of their parents at the beginning but never deceive the child because it creates distrust at all levels. Let them [lightly] know that you and their parents are going out for a date and taking care of each other.

4. Family-integrated lifestylefrom

.

The name "Blended" represents a reason. You can't just insert and suggest or make too many changes, requests or new rules. You must first understand how the family works together because they work well before you arrive. Sensitive; creating disgust will give you a long way to go. Most disputes occur by chance or innocence; it still takes a long time to recover from it. Try not to disagree with your new partner in front of his or her children, or punish them, or disrespect their traditions, values, and family members, especially their other biological parents. You can choose to have a conflict on a serious issue, but keep your ethics. Over time, you can start to come up with different approaches or incorporate your own values, but don't rush to ask for help.

Give them spacefrom

.

Before you come, children can reach out to their parents individually, so they may not discuss their innermost thoughts with a new person in their parents' lives. Give them space to stay in their room, if they are sad but don't want to talk, if you find that they want to talk to their biological parents, find an excuse to leave home, and don't assume that you are welcomed by the school or Parent/teacher night. Waiting to be invited into their space, their friends and their hearts.

6. Willing to roll with punchesfrom

.

The words of young people can be very cruel, especially when speaking emotionally! Thick skin is needed here. Don Miguel Ruiz emphasized in his four agreements that the agreement #3' don't treat it as a personal ', never a more real statement, but between the step-parent and their stepchildren relationship. If the child is personal, then ask the adults to gently, but firmly explain why their behavior is unacceptable.

7. Discuss the rules and correct Fight with your partner when they are not there.from

.

If you need to discuss your partner's relationship and interaction with yourself and your stepchildren, make sure you hear this. Either speak when they leave or go out without them. Children have a natural feeling when you talk about them or things that affect them. They have an incredible way to appear at the wrong time, or to listen and may miss the essence of the discussion. If you find yourself having a dispute with the partner about the topic, this will only lead to more problems.

8. Prevent excessive compensationfrom

.

Over-compensation can take many forms, financial, physical, verbal or simply destroying them. In addition, if you have your own child, overcompensating or treating your child differently can cause problems in your own family. Always treat them with kindness, love, care and respect. Allowing them to have their own way or letting them escape unacceptable behavior will only lead to problems in the future.

9. Don't criticize "other" birth parentsfrom

.

Always keep your tongue when it comes to another biological parent. Giving comments, making satirical remarks, negating comments or criticizing them is the quickest way to build relationships with your new family. Remember, the opposite does not happen, so be prepared for some dirty, because they may see your alternatives in the life of your partner and child.

10. Let the children decide how you fit into their livesfrom

.

Let the children take the lead; your job is to build trust, be sensitive and become an adult. Think about what kind of relationship you want to build with them [friends or sisters are not the best], maybe like a favorite aunt, a trusted advisor or mentor is some good. Also, don't try to get them to call your mom or dad, they might do it for a day, but it must be their decision, even if they are very young now, it seems logical, or they pick up from their friends.

If you are not prepared, the work of the second marriage can be confusing, and mixing the family can be very difficult.

---

Orignal From: 10' must Dos' handle children in a mixed family