Although it says there is no right or wrong way to grieve, I prefer to say that there are actually some useful and unhelpful ways to make you sad. To change sorrow, we need to take action. If we do nothing and expect pain to disappear over time, we will experience it again in a few years. If we take unhelpful actions, then we will still feel pain in the future.
Unhelpful ways of grief include using drugs and alcohol to relieve pain. Although these may help us forget in the short term, this is only temporary. Once the effects of drugs or alcohol disappear, we will still leave the feeling we have been trying to hide.
Tell everyone that we are good and try to continue, as if there is no mistake is another unhelpful way of sadness. You don't need to reveal your heart to anyone, just admit that you are not good, but try to make you start to change your sorrow. After losing loved ones, our world has become broken. We have the right to admit that something is wrong, and we don't know how we will respond.
Pushing away emotions is another way of grief that is unhelpful. Once again, acknowledging that emotions are not about letting your heart leak to anyone, but admitting that you have hurt you, you really feel this emotion. This is to let yourself feel the pain so that you can let go. When we don't recognize our feelings, we tend to indulge in eating too much, watching too much TV, using drugs and alcohol, and even over-training over-compensation.
The surest way to ensure that you can deal with losing your loved ones is to make sure you have a strong support network. This can be family or friends. You may not want to talk to them and share your feelings, but just know that they are there to tell you that they care and/or give you a hug that can make the world different.
If you need more support, you can make yourself a grievance adviser or coach. Sometimes it is different to let someone listen to you in a non-judging manner.
Another useful method is to take action. After losing, we may feel that we are going to take it to our bed, not to sit because of our pain and not to eat or drink. This does not help us. Getting up to eat, walking, picking up the phone and talking to someone can help us move forward after losing loved ones.
As you read, this reflects what you have been doing since you lost your loved ones and ask yourself if they are helpful to you or not. Then ask yourself, what do you need to do more and the same, what do you need to do?
Orignal From: Sadness and Failure: A Beneficial and Unhelpful Strategy for Losing Lovers
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