A lot of anger comes from depression and distress. A very useful way to deal with anger is to talk about your anger. For example, if someone yells at you, you can choose how to respond. You can slam and shout, or you can free yourself from the situation and try to stay calm.
A very useful tool for gaining control is to calculate at least 30 in order to control your anger. Just a few days ago, I read a study suggesting that by calculating to 90, the brain has enough time to get rid of its awakening state and return to calm mode. It sounds reasonable to me, and I will inevitably start suggesting people count to 90 to make sure they benefit from a calm brain.
The reason to make sure you calm down is that you can start looking for a satisfactory solution. Let the other person know why you are angry, what triggered your reaction. Do this by using words and speaking in the "I" message. By doing this, you can provide the other party with information about triggering an angry response. Therefore, you will not accuse the other party because of anger, which exacerbates this situation. The natural instinctive reaction is to put it back on another person, not to look at our own feelings. Unless you say it, another person will come to his/your own conclusion, why you feel uneasy.
Being able to discuss this situation is a positive experience for both parties. Remember, no one can make you angry. You can control your feelings by yourself. When someone says or does something, you start by looking for the trigger. It can be ingrained and associated with some of the past feelings, or other experiences of people you don't understand. Only you can sort out what triggered your inner anger.
When you remember the anger you feel about you, it can help you maintain an objective assessment. You may want to tell another person how you don't like talking to him/her. This is very different from saying that another person has no right to his/her feelings. We all have the right to feel about ourselves and our responsibility for how we act.
Orignal From: Anger Management - A tool for dealing with anger
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