Regrettably, many stepfathers are compared to film and television villains. For example, there are stepfather movies I, II, III, and now the Showtime series Dexter. Dexter is a psychiatrist and bloodthirsty expert. He is an assistant and serial killer. In the media, 1% of criminal behavior helps to further promote the bad reputation of the stepper. Fortunately, this is not the case for your new hybrid series. As a new stepfather, you must be careful that you meet your new stepchild from the very beginning. Sometimes, stepdads tend to try too hard and children may have a negative impact on it. Other times, because you are afraid of being rejected and being kept and cautious, you may be seen as indifferent and indifferent. Since this is a difficult situation for all participants, and as an adult, you need to take the lead, so you may not notice common mistakes. Here are three common hidden errors you should be aware of:
Force your way of doing things
Stepfather naturally tends to get behavioral expectations based on his own parenting experience and/or the "right way" you think to do. You may also want your new family to know that they are the "new magistrate" in town. Put yourself in the shoes of your stepchildren. How easy is it to adapt to this new father and his rules? Remember that your wife's home operation is running before you enter the photo. Take it easy, when your stepchildren don't grow up with you and don't know you, it's not easy to stick to your own rules and ways of doing things. As a step-parent, you can take a different approach when developing relationships with new stepchildren. For example, even if they seem to be unresponsive or hostile, there is little dialogue with the children about their interests and activities. No matter what you do, don't try to force the relationship. Newly married parents should address any concerns the children have about their new family. Ideally, the foundation should be laid before marriage. Let the children participate as much as possible in creating a new family. Before we said "I am willing", I and my beautiful lady's children participated in several family consultations. Before we got married, I took care of them many times and gave them the opportunity to get to know me one-on-one. Work with your wife to create a safe and trusting environment where children can confidently express their feelings and listen. Listening to your child's opinion may be everything you need to spread the situation. In some cases, children may not express these concerns for fear of retaliation from new parents or new siblings. This is why it is vital that all parties believe that they have a response and are free to express their feelings.
Not working with your spouse
Stepdads may already know how they will introduce themselves and integrate their roles into the new mixed family. Be patient and don't break into things. In the early days, take the time to observe and understand how the new family works. Work with your wife to make sure you and she are on the same page of parenting. You should answer some key questions.
- What is your parenting style; authoritarian, authoritative or tolerant?
- If you have different styles, how do you blend them to provide consistency and unity for your children?
- How to deal with discipline?
- How do they communicate?
Similarly, the dialogue to answer these questions can and should begin before saying "I am willing." These are just some of the issues you should solve. Remember that you and your wife are a team and your parenting method should be a team. If there is a conflict, make sure you have a clear understanding of the game plan. In addition, if their older children include their proposed house rules, and the consequences of violating these rules.
Negative impact on your spouse
If you find yourself angry with your wife's ex-partner, or feel painful and uncomfortable when referring to past relationships, you must begin to learn to let go. Keep the place where it belongs - the past. Remember, even if you try not to express your feelings, children may feel angry and resentful when their father is brought into the conversation. Even if they are those who start talking about negative things, don't belittle their father. It's also important to emphasize what your wife's predecessor did wrong before the child went home or when she got home. When you present your own rules and propose activities, don't compare them to the way the former works. You also don't need to let your stepchildren accompany you. Nothing can be taken. Their biological parents are still their father, and you should not even try to take it away. Establishing a relationship with the stepchild's father will greatly help to eliminate any loyalty conflicts your child may encounter.
in conclusion
Even in the best unions, mixed families like nuclear weapons encounter problems. The problem will be different. This should not be seen as a disaster, but rather as a sit-down as a family, discussing opportunities for what doesn't work, and the possible ways to change them to meet everyone's needs. Even if this is impossible, at least everyone will feel that they are important and are respected enough to solve their feelings. Mixed families need time to stay in touch, and even in the best of circumstances, a mixed family is always an ongoing job. When there are no failures in weeks or months, everything goes smoothly, then it should be a family celebration moment! Whether it's a movie or game night or a large family dinner, the goal is to celebrate the milestones of building a new home. No one says it's easy, even if things are still not perfect, it helps to take a step back and let everyone see the progress you have made as a family - no matter how small.
Orignal From: Which of these three stepfather mistakes are you doing?
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