A typical multi-family family is similar in many ways to a complete biological family. At the same time, they have more than sixty differences in structure, development and dynamics! People don't know these differences, and what they mean for typical adults, children, and supporters, risking unintentional use of inappropriate or harmful biological family norms and expectations to guide their family values, goals, and decisions. It's like trying to play baseball with football equipment and basketball rules - to ensure that chaos, frustration, conflict and pressure are created, which will inhibit healthy family integration and integration, and promote growing dissatisfaction.
Learning, teaching and applying Stepfamily reality
Learning how to live a good life in a new family life is likened to the challenge of a Swede tribe that promises to be loyal to a Tibetan tribe who settled together in the Brazilian countryside. Everyone has a lot to learn - new laws, customs, roles and vocabulary. Everyone is learning to cope with a new alien environment.
You and your parenting partner face three distinct new challenges:
1. You need to know exactly how your family's family, composition, and dynamics differ from your respective born and first-married families.
2. You will need to take advantage of these steps to work together and work together to gradually form clear, realistic personal, marriage, common parent and multi-family family goals and expectations.
3. You need to teach your children, important relatives and friends, and key professionals about your major differences, differences, realities and goals. Let them update. I look forward to some people misunderstanding and criticizing your new values, goals and plans - or you. Realize that they may have their own unresolved problems and/or fall into a biological family mindset. Make friends with other people, they will sympathize and support you.
Below are examples of common family myths and realities that you will discover, discuss, accept, and apply:
myth: from
"I love you, I must love your children."
Reality: from
"I love you, work patiently, respect your children. They and I may never love each other. If we do, it will feel different from the love of our biological parents. It doesn't matter.
Myth: from
"You or my predecessor does not belong to our family!"
Reality: from
"As long as your previous marriage biology children live, their other biological parents, and their new partners, if any, will affect all of your life emotionally, economically, legally and genetically. Neglect or discount Their needs and feelings. These other adults will stress everyone over the years.
Myth: from
"We are like an ordinary biological family."
Reality: from
No, because you have two or three connected family joint homes, three to six family members, six to twelve common grandparents, forty to ninety relatives, and new alien family roles [such as stepfathers, Stepmother, stepchild, etc.], many great losses of mourning, and many contradictory values and customs that are resolved among all. But you are normal-A normal multi-family family.
Myth: from
"You or my child will never be between us."
Reality: from
Stepfamily adults can't solve the conflicts of one or more stepmothers, including related money issues, which is the most cited reason for divorce family divorce. Below this is usually a wound that you have not healed.
Myth: from
"Step-by-step parenting is very much like parenting and childbirth. There is no childbirth."
Reality: from
Although the primary goal of the step-parent is roughly the same as the primary goal of the biological parent, the emotional, legal and social environment of the ordinary step-parent is different in many respects from the typical biological parent. This usually leads to confusion, frustration and high pressure until all the adult family members in your stepfather's family clearly agree with each parent's primary responsibilities.
Myth: from
"You and / or my biological children will live with us forever."
Reality: from
Among about 30% of American step-parents, one or more underage biological children sometimes move to the homes of other biological parents. This sends complex emotional and financial shock waves between and between sending and receiving homes, especially if the movement is in a short time or all relevant personnel do not agree.
Use this information to build realistic expectations for your new family, roles and relationships. If you don't do this, collective, distorted expectations can lead to continued setbacks and disappointments, and even erode your marriage. But by learning the average number of steps in the family's normal situation - early - minimized this.
Ideally, all partners and key relatives raised with family members will join this goal. Please note that some or all of your stepparents and biological parents may agree Intellectual You are a common family, but you may not be able to learn, adapt and apply important steps to your expectations and relationships. If this is the case, they may expect physiological family behavior and results deep inside. This will definitely lead to frustration, disappointment and increasing pressure in your home. This is especially true in the first few years after the wedding, as foreign family crises such as loyalty conflicts begin to bloom.
Try this quick exercise. Can you point out fifteen or more structural and dynamic differences between the average step and the biofamily and clearly describe how each difference affects your family and family relationships? Although both are quadruped, mouth, nose, hair and tail, the poodle is not a pony - despite hope, prayer, spell, thinking or hallucinogen.
Compare STEPFAMILIES with biofamilies
Differences and significance of Stepfamily adults
There is indeed a great similarity between the family and the biological family. At the same time, they are more than sixty different in structure and dynamics. If unexpected, these differences may shock, confusion, frustration, and greatness for all new stepfather family members and their supporters.
The biological family and the successor family have existed for thousands of years. They are all normal. Because there are more biological families in our time and culture, people often think that the family is abnormal. Family types are not themselves better; however, they are quite different.
Terms
One of the many chaos surrounding the family is derived from the terminology we use to describe them. For the sake of clarity, let's review the "new" terminology we are using. Stepparent refers to any adult who provides part-time or full-time guidance, cultivation and protection for minors or adult biological children of their existing adult romantic partners.
The step-parent may marry his or her biological parent, or cohabit with him/her and be emotionally committed to him or her. A step-parent usually [but not always] has the opposite sex with his or her current partner.
The step family is any family, and at least one of the full members of the foster home is a step-parent. Typical extended family members, namely children, adult family adults and all relatives, can live in many related households and can include 100 or more members. Mixed stepfamily is a family of two stepfamily adults who have one or more biological children.
Adult family adults are any biological parents or step-parents who live in the family. A stepchild is any biological child who lives or visits with a biological partner's adult partner. Continue to grow children or minors, and whether their stepparents are legally adopted.
An interesting paradox is that, depending on the scale you use, typical stepfamilies can be accurately viewed as if they were biological families.Simultaneously Very different. How could this be?
The similarities between Stepfamily and the biological family
Typical stepfamilies and biological families Yes The same, there:
- Both family types are made up of adults and children living together or part of the time.
- Adults [usually] are responsible for their homes and try to guide, nurture, protect, educate and prepare their dependent children to leave and live their lives well.
- All members of each family have daily needs and developmental life tasks, as well as a range of daily activities such as work or school, worship, social and gaming, dining, shopping, housework and more.
- Both normal families develop through predictable, natural developmental stages - although there are different stages in the family. For example: a small step The key task of a child is to test clearly. "Is it safe in this family, or will it break up?" Members need to resolve personal and family role names, such as "We should call each other. Who?"
- Both family types periodically conflict between their members and with others and the environment. They use tangible Money, phone, car, electrical appliances, etc. personal Love, humor, time, wisdom, patience and other resources to seek to resolve their conflicts.
- People and people in a biological family have personal and common hopes, fears, goals, achievements, dreams, failures, joys, health problems, celebrations, depression, identity, body, loss, etc.
- These two family types will naturally develop a personal group valueGroup Character [who did what] and rule [when, how and why], a History, One Identity, And some loyalty or bonding.
- They all develop in the human and natural environment and interact with everyone as a contributor and consumer.
So when an adult [or someone else] says, "Hey, we are just one regular family! "They are definitely Correct. At the same time, there are more than 60 differences between the biological family and the successor family.
Difference between Stepfamily and biological family
The average stepfamilies is no different from the biological family! A typical multi-family family has a very different structure and developmental task than a biologist.
Orignal From: Replace Stepfamily myth with realistic expectations
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